


Shattered

by ShiftingOfFate



Category: Criminal Minds, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Not Beta Read, On Hiatus, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Slow To Update, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-04-28 05:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5079937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiftingOfFate/pseuds/ShiftingOfFate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Antarctica and Sinister leave Remy completely shattered, and Spencer isn't sure he can piece his friend back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Un

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ahmose_Inarus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahmose_Inarus/gifts).



> So I blame Ahmose Inarus and SpencerremyLvr for this. It's my first time writing Remy or Spence, so I don't know how this is going to play out.  
> Also not beta'd and I don't know how often it will be updated. I'm super sorry in advance.

  ****

Remy had stumbled through the snow for two days before finding a cave. He sat there for another day before succumbing to the pain and the cold. The overwhelming depression and pain. The trial had seeped into his shields and shattered them, leaving him in an all-consuming despair. He saw it everywhere, their bodies reflected in the snow, the blood staining his hands.

Remy woke screaming, and ran out of his makeshift shelter. The snow was blinding, and when his vision cleared it was stained red. He sank down into the snow, surrounded by the bodies of those who has died because of him.

_Desole._

Remy laid down. The X-men’s faces flashed through him. Scottie and Jean.

Logan laugh echoed through his head, Rogue.

Oh Rogue. The pain, the fury.

_Desole._

Papa, Henri.

 _Tante_ Mattie.

His Stormie.

 _Desole_.

Spencer.

So many regrets, since the day he’d left him.

_Mon coeur._

_Desole._

Remy closed his eyes.

_Je suis desole._

****************************************************************************

Reid was pretending that he didn't see Morgan sneak a few files into his pile when his phone rang. His personal cell. From a number he didn't recognize.

"Dr. Reid?"

"We found him."

Reid nearly dropped his phone. " Is he, how. Logan?"

"Made a raid on his labs. Found Gumbo there. He's in bad shape."

A thousand questions flew through Spencer’s head, but all he managed to croak out was "How bad?"

The pause that Logan took had Spencer’s heart dropping and left him clutching his desk, completely unaware the whole bullpen was watching him, or that Derek was standing over him, prepared to catch him, that Reid looked like he was going to faint.

"Physically? Blue says he'll recover. But mentally..." Logan trailed off. "We don't know."

Reid jumped up, barely noticing Derek's hands steadying him, or the concerned looks that his team was giving him. He started scrambling for his go bag, his coat.

"I'm. I'm on my way. I'll be on the next flight. I."

Reid tripped and fell, his phone clattering to the floor. Derek and Emily both knelt to help him, while Hotch picked up the phone.

"This is Agent Hotchner. Who is this?"

"A friend. Someone important to Spencer is hurt. I'm coming to get him"

****************************************************************************

Later Reid would wonder what Logan had said to Hotch. He would try to recall the conversation, of being put on leave, of Morgan driving him home, helping him pack. But even Logan coming to get him and the ride on the Blackbird would be a blur. Yet nothing prepared him for the condition Remy was in.

Spencer had expected to be taken to the med lab, and was surprised to be lead to the holding cells. Logan led him into the observation room. Inside the cell Ororo was sitting in a chair bolted to the floor. Remy was lying on a bed, his hands tied to the railing on the bed. He was shirtless, and Spencer could see the bruising on Remy's chest. But that wasn't what stood out. Spencer felt his knees turn to jelly and he sank back into a chair as he saw the unmistakable bruising around Remy’s neck.

No. He couldn't have.... Spencer reached out with his empathy and instantly recoiled. The depression surrounding Remy was tangible and overwhelming. Spencer looked up at Scott and Logan, who were watching Spencer’s reaction.

Spencer looked up at Scott,

“He tried to kill himself.”

It came out as a whispered question, Spencer's eyes pleading for it to not be true, for him to be wrong.  Scott turned to look down on Remy as he answer.

 

“He’s tried twice.”

 


	2. Deux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written something like five versions of this chapter and didn't really like any of them, so I'm just going to update and move on. There will be more on Spencer and Remy's background and relationship coming. Also stillnot Beta'd so I'm sorry for any mistakes I missed.

_Two weeks ago:_

Despite Remy’s tendency to send people to keep an eye on him, Spencer let Remy live his life.  Spencer had more or less known that Remy had joined the X-men.  Then, after getting shot Remy had sent his friend Logan to check on Spence. The gruff man had spent two weeks helping Spencer, and building a nice friendship. 

It had also been the confirmation of where Remy was, the Wolverine was immediately recognizable.  The news he brought, that Remy wanted to come himself but was wheelchair bound with broken bones from a job gone awry.  Spencer felt guilty in how happy he was to not have to deal with his ex. 

After that meeting Spencer kept quiet tabs on the X-Men, and spoke to Logan on occasion.  There was something parental, or at least big brotherly about Logan and Remy’s relationship and that bled over to Spencer.   Logan had voiced his dislike of Rogue and Remy’s relationship at first, in hopes that it would spurn Spencer into action, but the boy refused to interfere.

 

He always refused to interfere.

Which was why Logan had never been quite so startled for him to find Spencer standing in the X-Mansion, radiating fury.   

*******************************

“How could you?”

Logan hadn’t expected this fury.  He had been planning to leave that afternoon, to notify Spencer of what had happened.  He had been dreading it for the last couple days, as they had been informed of the trial, and the following search in Antarctica to find Remy, or at least his body.  Logan had grown fond of Spencer, was waiting for Remy to pull his head out of his ass, or for Spencer to build up the nerve for the boys to get back together.  Telling Spencer that they had lost their chance, that Remy was gone, was going to shatter Spencer. 

Logan was prepared for tears, for Spence to shut down, for the overwhelming grief. 

“You were his friends, his family, he would have done anything for you, and you’re leaving him to rot! He would have risked his life for you and you aren’t even trying to help him!”

Spencer’s shouting had attracted the rest of the house, and people were gathering to watch. 

The house watched as Logan approached Spencer with a tender expression.

“I’m sorry pup.  We got there too late.  He’s gone.  He died out there.”

Spencer seemed to pause, take in the expression on Logan face, and of those who had gathered.

“No he didn’t.” 

“I’m sorry –“

“No.  I know he didn’t.  We made contact last night.  He’s being held captive, and he doesn’t think he’s going to make it.  He told me you wouldn’t look for him, and he didn’t want me to.  He just wanted to say sorry and good-bye.”

*******************************************************************

The meeting that had followed left Spencer with better understanding of how things operated here.  They systematically questioned him, and began to make plans in a fashion that Spencer couldn’t help but respect.

“How long have you known Gambit?”

“What was your relationship?”

“Did you know he joined Sinister?”

“Do you know why he would do something like this?”

The questions continued, with Spencer providing what he could.   He stammered and blushed through some more personal questions, and felt shock go through the room when he told them what he did.  The hardest question was why.  Why would Remy do this? 

“I don’t know.  Based off of the timeline we have, he joined your Sinister soon after he left me in California. But it doesn’t match Remy’s profile for him to massacre those people.”

“Is it possible he’s changed more than you thought?  You say he left you, maybe it was to hide his involvement.”  Jean look sympathetic as she asked, leveling Spencer with a sad glance. 

Spencer shook his head. His shoulders slumped, for the first time his gazed shifted, refusing to meet her stare.

 “He left because he couldn’t control his powers.  We were scared that he would lose too much control, and hurt or kill someone.  That he would hurt me.” They all could see the old ache in Spencer’s eyes.

Hank McCoy spoke up for the first time.  “Perhaps that’s why our Cajun friend joined Sinister.”  Everyone turned to look at the blue man, who had paused in note taking to look a Spencer, though he kept his pencil poised above the paper.  “Remy has never displayed any issues with controlling his abilities.  Sinister is a scientist with a propensity to experiment on mutants. If he offered to help Remy gain control…”

“Then Remy would have agreed” Spencer finished.

Scott tipped his head back with a grimace and groaned “And Sinister isn’t the type to do anything for free.  If he helped Remy than he would demand something in return. And done something to make sure that Remy couldn’t back out.” 

****************************************************************************************

_Today_

Spencer sat down next to Remy, stroking his hair back out of his face.  Logan had informed him that they were keeping Remy drugged, flooding his system with as much anxiety medication and sedatives they could manage without hurting Rem. 

Spencer tried to keep his own emotions locked down, projecting a soothing calm at Remy.  He traced his fingers down the insides of Remy wrist, the deep wounds were nearly healed, Spencer doubted they would even scar.  He replayed the conversation with Scott and Logan over in his head.

**

“Twice?”

Spencer couldn’t see Scott’s eyes behind his sunglasses, but his expression was forlorn.

“When we found him in Sinister’s lab he was restrained and his arms were wrapped in bandages.  We thought that he was experimenting on Gambit.  If we had known Gambit had done it….” Scott slumped, trailing off. 

Logan shifted to face Spencer, placed a comforting hand on Scott’s thigh. 

“We got Gumbo out and back to the Med Lab before he woke.  Blue was running test and didn’t see him slip out.”

Scott ran a hand up his face through his hair.  “Jean and the Professor got a strange vision and sent us to find Gambit.  He was in the boat house….”  Scott turned pale and trailed off again.

Logan had an unusually tender look on his face, “ He tried to hang himself and charged the rope.  Burned himself and fractured his spine.  He wasn’t bre….”  Logan lunged forward to catch Spencer as he slumped out of his chair, snatching a trash can as Spencer began to heave. Scott and Logan both sat with Spencer on the floor as he let the tears flow, as the reality of the situation set in, and everything that had happened became real.

**

Spencer had been sitting for hours with Remy, trying to comfort him through the nightmares that were breaking through the drugs.  He kept trying to reach Remy’s mind, but Remy’s empathy kept overwhelming him, dragging him into the deep depression Remy was suffering from.  Each time Spencer got too deep he had to pull out and start again, trying to find Remy under the pain.

When Spencer opened his eyes from his latest attempt he found Dr. McCoy standing on the other side of the bed.  He saw Spencer open his eyes and acknowledged him with a nod.

Hank was gently checking Remy’s injuries. Remy laid quiet, eyes closed. Spencer could sense that he was floating in between sleep and wakefulness.

"I'm afraid our Cajun friend is beginning to suffer the effects of malnutrition. As far as my records show he is at least 24 pounds lighter than prior to his ordeal. I would like to put him on fluids, and if this continues a feeding tube would not go amiss." Hank carefully set everything up as Spencer watched, stroking back Remy’s hair, trying to get comfort the redhead, who stirred and whined uncomfortably.

The moment Hank broke Remy’s skin with the needle everything went to hell. Remy’s eyes snapped open, pupils blown wide, he arched off the bed, struggling against his restraints.

" _Non_. No more. _Non_." Remy bucked and screamed, eyes wide and unseeing. The restraints flickered pink as Remy tried to charge them, but it quickly fizzled out, he didn't have the strength to blow them. " _Non_ , No more, hurts. It hurts. _Desole. Si vous plait_. " Through the fit Spencer tried to get through to Remy. Logan and Ororo rushed into the room to help. After a moment of screaming and struggle Hank managed to get a needle prepared,and sedated Remy. The X-men pulled back, watching as Remy’s thrashing settled, and his screams calmed to whimpers, all the while Spencer leant over him, murmuring, trying to soothe him. As the medication over took him, Remy’s eyes seemed to clear for a moment, and he met Spencer’s eyes. "No more _cher_. Let Remy go. Don't wanna hurt no more. No more cher.."

***********************************************************

“His shields are completely shattered. I don't know what sinister did, but Remy’s empathy is triggering flashbacks, and he's lost control of his emotions.”  Spencer could feel a headache building from the backlash of Remy’s panic attack.

"His empathy? Remy isn't an empath."

Spencer looked at Scott, startled. "His charm doesn't work like my empathy, but that's what it's based in."

"His charm is an actual power? I've heard him mention it but I wasn't aware that it was apart if his mutation." Hank had that look, the one that only doctors had, that a person was a person, but also a fascinating composition of blood, muscle, and bones to be fixed.

"His charm has a strong sexual pull, but it also allows him to sense the emotion around him. The shields he uses to help keep them out and filter through them is gone. He's reliving it all."  Spencer rubbed his head, feeling a sharp pain throb through his head.  He tuned out the conversation as they processed through this information.  Remy never discussed his charm, not even with Spencer.  It had taken years of contemplating past experiences, and conversations with Remy's Father Jean-Luc for them to come to a conclusion on Remy's powers.  Spencer wondered how much Remy knew of his own abilities.  He also wondered how these people had never noticed.  

"…So how do we fix it? My brother is suffering"

"Normally me or the professor would go in and try to help, but neither of us have ever been able to get a read on Gambit." Jean was trying to look at Spencer without turning.  He knew what she was trying to ask.

"I can get in.  I just keep getting overwhelmed. I’ll reinforce my shields.”  The thought brought back an echo of headache he had just tapped down.

“What if one of us anchors you?”  Jean seemed overeager.  Still, she did seem to genuinely care.  He took a breath, gathering himself, and nodded.

 

Anything for Remy.


End file.
